I don’t always orgasm… and that’s okay. Experiences pt. 2
My teenage years left me with high expectations of the orgasms to come. I didn’t have sex until I was 18, and when I did, it was amazing. My first time I had sex was with a woman. There is something amazing about when someone else touches you. I tell my friends; you can’t tickle yourself. I knew this before I had sex the first time. It’s just not the same solo.
Since I got my first toy I have been on a mission to achieve satisfaction. At some point along the way I forgot to enjoy the little things. I forgot that pleasure doesn’t require an orgasm. The slow buildup of pressure and sensation is pleasant in its own right.
After a stint with medication I found my sex drive destroyed. My ability to have an orgasm was lost at 19 and I wouldn’t accept that. I made the decision to stop medication to try and save my libido. This is when I became more concerned with if I have an orgasm.
My obsession with orgasms was ruining my pleasure…
Thoughts play a huge role in our enjoyment of sexual activity. My brain went from fantasizing about what ever turned me on to analyzing what felt good and what toys I thought were crap.
After a year relationship with no orgasms I started to research. I felt broken. Why couldn’t I enjoy pleasure? Aren’t I supposed to want sex all the time and love it? I looked into what could be causing me to feel no enjoyment.
I noticed I had completely put all the value of sexual experiences into the orgasm, if I didn’t get that it was pointless. There was pleasure, I just didn’t notice it and enjoy it like I could. I started to notice the little things, and not to analyse it and question if it would lead to an orgasm, but just to enjoy it. The idea of orgasmic meditation is still very interesting to me, I hope to one day try it.
When I want to masturbate, I have to take time for myself. I have to live in the moment. When I let myself feel every bit of the experience I get to know myself better, I have a better time, and I don’t feel a deep sense of disappointment I got when my goal was to orgasm.
Since I have learned to let go, I have learned how to squirt, I enjoy myself every time I spend time with my body, and I can orgasm when I want to. It isn’t always my goal anymore. I feel extremely satisfied by the pleasure I receive from the experience, and I get more when I let myself relax and play.
When I want to just have an orgasmic release…
I use a mid to full sized wand clitorally and a silicone dong. Everybody is different, and this is what pleases me the fastest. It’s not a guarantee for everyone, but I do recommend it if that’s what you really want.
Whimsy Fai <3